What it’s not: It’s not being upset; Its not being very upset; Its not being very upset over a long period of time.

So what is it? Trauma occurs when the brain perceives that there is life-threatening danger and the individual is helpless to do anything about it. The brain generates an imperative to fight or run away, - the fight or flight mechanism, together with the chemicals which flood the body to enable the individual to fight or run away but the individual remains helpless. This experience roots itself in the mind but is held in the body giving rise to symptoms both physical and emotional.

The short answer is it’s not!

I imagine there are very few people alive today who can remember a time when health care was not free at the point of delivery and so it goes against the grain to have to pay for services that are essentially health. I go to a private dentist and I take a very deep breath when I get the bill, even though I recognise that as an NHS user I probably have no real idea of what health services cost.

There are lots of reasons why people hesitate to ring a therapist

• They think their difficulty is not serious enough, they are not unhappy enough, there are people much worse off, perhaps they are just neurotic or discontented
• They think they are too messed up
• They can’t put their sadness into words so how can they describe what’s wrong to someone else
• They think the therapist will laugh, tell them not to waste the therapists time or (worse) tell them that there is something seriously wrong with them
• They fear that the therapist will judge them because their difficulty is so awful
• They don’t want to tell talk to a stranger about personal things.
• They don’t know where to start – it’s not like ringing a plumber.

I often hear people say that they’ve been involved with a narcissist, or they accuse someone of being a narcissist. It seems to become part of popular vocabulary if someone has upset you or is perceived to have behaved badly.

In fact, narcissism is a clinical condition and is one of a group of conditions which have been known as personality disorders; this does not mean that people with such a condition are merely unpleasant, uncooperative and difficult to get on with (although some-one with PD may be all of these at times). There are quite clear and specified indications that someone has narcissistic personality disorder.

Counselling and Psychotherapy set up a relationship between two people; It's a particular type of relationship but in its own way it can be deeply intimate. Research has indicated that it is the relationship that is the most healing part of therapy. For that reason, it's really important that you find the therapist that is right for you.